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Duckman

A fascinating autobiographical novel about Issac Freeman's father-in-law.


The da Vinci Cod

Investigates the fascinating metaphysical connection between death, elections and, of course, ducks.  The story begins in a cannery where a cod fish is found with strange markings...

EXCERPT

"One of his." Teabing surmised.  "You can tell by the hallmark on the underside, just... here.  From the master's late period, I'd think.  Then with a decisive thump of his crutch, "Leonardo was tragically killed soon after by a marauding duck, protecting her brood."

"So if we open it," Langdon postulated hopefully, "we should find the answer to life, the universe and everything."  Langdon picked-up a letter opener and slit the cod's leathery stomach.  Peering inside, he carefully removed a curled piece of parchment.  Unrolling it, he stared quizzically, "It just has the number '42' written on it!  Another puzzle!"

As they were speaking, the albino assassin moved silently towards the rear window, carefully avoiding the ducks...


Quack for President

The fascinating story of a mallard duck who gets elected President of the United States.  She has the distinction of being the first female duck ever elected.  And it isn't that anyone actually votes for her, it's just that all the other candidates mysteriously die, and the whole election gets thrown into the Supreme Court where a very unusual thing happens involving the Chief Justice (who is also secretly a mallard).


A Crisp, Moss Carrot

EXCERPT

Chuck:  Oh shimmering apparition; who are you?

Gordon:  I am the ghost of Hitlist's past.

Chuck:  Your presence frightens me so, yet there is a great kindness to your eyes.  Come ye to bring comfort?

Gordon:  None have I to give.  All I have are these carrots.


Waiting for the Phone

EXCERPT

Jonah:  Why must you continually speak of death?

Gordon:  It suits me to celebrate that which is a necessary part of our existence.  Why do you treat the inevitable with such solemn regard?

Jonah:  Because it scares me.  I know neither when it will come, nor what it will bring.  It's like waiting for that phone.
Gordon:  Why fear it.  Death is surely a part of life, just as the macarena is a part of...
    AT THIS MOMENT THE PHONE ACTUALLY RINGS.  BOTH MEN START AT IT.
Jonah:  We should answer that.
    NEITHER MAN MOVES


The Barber was Servile

A fascinating rock opera based on hit tunes of the 1950's


The Skater was Kept on Ice

The 2002 Winter Olympics, death and ducks, all rolled into one fast-paced, fascinating adventure.


Going Postal in the Hundred-Acre Wood

EXCERPT

Winnie-the-Pooh didn't know what to do.

"We're caught in a terrible mess."

Tigger, whose eyes had doubled in size,

Could barely handle the stress.

Eeyore lay dead.  A hole in his head.

"If they find him, we'll end-up in jail!"

"Oh bother," Pooh said as he pushed on the head,

And Tigger pulled on the tail.